Feeling is one thing that either comes to one naturally or induced, either to feel happy , sad, important, rejected, excited or depressed.
It comes on the spur of the moment sometimes, instinctively showcasing them, struggling most times to conceal some that may cause embrassment if given vent uncensored.
Have you ever been in a situation that made you feel good and nice about yourself? For instance being in a good and posh car, a brand of car many feel belonged to? the class of bourgeoisie? How did you feel ? Nice? Important? Superior? Expecting necks to turn in admiration ?
Have you also worn great and well tailored fabric? Feeling smart and cute, with a gait that is feline and princely as you flounce it ? How did you feel?
Have you also been in an environment where you felt that you should be recognized and accorded with some special accolades and treatment but in the contrary your presence was either treated with disdain, or with some complacent disposition?
The list is endless. In all these scenarios painted above, what you feel is personal and within you. It is all about your story and reality, which none except you would possibly relate with.
When a man gets miffed for not being recognized appropriately; when someone feels his ego ruffled and diflated; the best question one should ask oneself is, do people really feel about same way I feel about myself?
The truth is how you feel about yourself may not be same way people feel about you. That is your reality , no other.
There is no challenge feeling the way you want to feel about yourself. Where the challenge lies is wanting the next person to feel the way you feel about yourself and expect them with some entitlement spirit to either treat you with some special recognition or deference.
It doesn’t work that way. The various personality clashes, “the you- know who- I am rants”, the puffing , ballooning and massaging of ego we see around our spaces, is nothing but mere self- feeling that ones feelings about ones ego and personality should be noticed and revered by others.
We are all drama Queens and Kings, seeking for attention no matter how little. We want to be recognized, ofentimes wearing our feelings on our sleeves. We brandish our car keys even when it is not necessary. We talk about our background, success and exploits even when it makes no sense.
Honestly there is nothing wrong with all these, once you do not expect people to see you through same prism.
The world is so large a place. Too big to accommodate all our dramas and I -feel -alright dispositions.
Do your dramas, feel how you want to feel about yourself, dote on your built, accomplishment and status, however, be settled with the truth and reality of dealing with people who may neither notice you nor indulge your feelings. With this mindset one would be able to help oneself deal with either rejection, non complimentary gesture or total indifference to who one thinks one is or have.
Life becomes miserable when all we do is to attract attention, commendation and admiration.
Life becomes a race of an unending destination when ones self worth, validation and appraisal are at the mercy of other people’ feelings about one.
The truth is , nobody cares about who you think you are.
Except for the weak and low self-esteemed personalities no one cares about who you are, what you are, let alone getting intimidated about such.
Those who know about this, do what they do, wear what they wear, flounce what they want to flounce not for public validation and compliments rather to indulge themselves irrespective of who says what.
They literally live in their world and space, rock their life, Indulge their fancies and fantasies. They have eyes but they don’t see you. They have ears but they don’t hear you. Such people have discovered who they are and need no validation from anybody to feel good. I call them rare specie of What you think about me does not matter ,but what I think about myself
Until one gets to this point of doing things not for public admiration, approval, validation etc one would continue to live not only a fake life of low self-esteem , more importantly ones emotional strength and stability would have been compromised by the incessant hit and jab coming from people’ disapproval and non complimentary gestures.
Oftentimes what gets us emotionally weak and fickle isn’t our reality and truth but the imagination of what we expect from people. We live our life through their eyes .
Until one gets over this, ones real self will continue to beg for public validation to be happy which is nothing but being on the lane of agony, pains and depression.
How does it make you to feel, when the anticipated public validation fails to come?
As much as possible try to live above the sentiments and approval of people. Be yourself, live your truth and celebrate your reality.
We are all drama Queens and Kings, the difference is in what makes one happy or sad. The public validation or ones self assessment reality?
Jarlath Opara
