Without mincing words, it’s visible to the blind and audible to the deaf that the level of divorce rate in our society has skyrocketed beyond the unimaginable. Jaded as it may sound, marriages that ought to be permanent institutions, have been tailored to be market places where people can visit and go anytime they wish.
Even without statistics, the daily court judgements on marriages are enough to convince everyone that all is not well with the marriage institution. Divorce has gradually become a social norm in the society. The society has made the ailment like an empty keg that any child can play with at any particular point in time. Other than the expected, what is obtainable in the society has continued to deter many young people from going into the institution and leaving others undeterred with the intention of separating at any slightest provocation. Some even perceive marriage as a prison yard where you can break out at the slightest opportunity.
Despite the marital vows couples make on their wedding day, despite the sermons and advice clerics and well-wishers plant in their heads during wedding ceremonies, despite all the pre-marital teachings they receive, divorce has continued to serve as the panacea to any storm that bedevil many homes.
With the lugubrious level of divorce rate in our society today, one may be forced to adopt the principle of syllogism in stating that people no longer understand the rudiments of marriage before diving into it. It may not be erroneous for one to note that the society has been bedeviled with demonic spirits manipulating the heart of people to behave the way they do.
One thing to be taken cognizance of is civilization. As beneficial as civilization is to the society, it didn’t just come with only good side, it’s an embodiment of both good and bad. Virtually everything has become digitalized and marriage is no exception. Civilization has out rightly changed the mindset of people about marriage. It has made 21st century generation to believe that marriage is a tea party affair; a place where you dance to the tune of only the music you desire; a place where both parties can work independently; a place where “the husband does his own thing and the wife as well does her own thing as they please” or they kiss themselves farewell.
You meet a guy/lady on twitter on Monday, propose to the individual on Facebook on Wednesday, and then you’re are ready for marriage the following week. What is the basis and foundation of that marriage? How do you expect such marriage to be a heaven on earth? That is just by the way side!
Many people who go into marriage today do not really understand the rudiment and the biblical standard for the course and as such, divorce is inevitable. They really cannot decipher the implications of breaking the vows they exchanged. Some don’t care about what the standard is and as such, it doesn’t take them a second thought before they dissolve their marriage.
“The disciples said to him: if such is the situation of a man with his wife, it not advisable to marry” Matt 19:20. Those were the words of Jesus’ disciples to him. They made that powerful statement because they understood the meaning of marriage and the implication of divorce. They knew that once you accept to marry that fellow, there is no going back except on the ground of adultery. The implication of the statement is that even at the point of death, you have no justification to quit your marriage; even when things are not going the way you thought and wanted, no justification for divorce. The world may give you reasons and coax you to want to do it the world`s way in your marriage, quit, but, there is no basis for that except you out rightly want to defy the instruction of your maker, the Almighty. There may be times that the devil may even use your spouse to do execrable things against you, even to the point of wanting to take your life, such is still not a basis for divorce. The only justification is on the ground of adultery.
Failure to understand, interpret and adhere to the rudiment of marriage has continued to be the factor responsible for the tearing apart of many homes. Just like the educational institution, only those who are ready to abide by the rules of the institution can graduate. No matter how intelligent a student is, if such student keep breaking the rules of the institution, he will definitely be shown the way out. No matter the achievement of a student for an institution, the rule of law will not spare him if he does anything that warrants its wrath.
Understanding that marriage is a permanent institution and the willingness to adhere to the rules of the game will not only give you an edge but also prepare you for any challenge that may besiege your home or even lay ambush for your marriage. There must be challenges! Only those who are ready will not be caught unaware. Only those who can stand the challenges are fit to enjoy the institution and make it work.
Also, you have to understand that the onus is on you both to make your marriage work. So, to think that marriage is an “already made food” is the sterling of ignorance and the beginning of marriage failure. You have to prepare for it, understand the rudiment, build a solid foundation and be willing to absolutely obey the rules of the permanent orientation camp. Just as a house built on poor foundation cannot stand the test of flood, so also is a marriage with a bad foundation.
Come to think of it, why is divorce so rampant in our society today if not that marriages are being built on bad foundations and that couples are no longer patient enough to tolerate one another, go through challenges and willing to make the necessary sacrifices that make marriage work? One doesn’t need a soothsayer to interpret the statistics of divorce and the corresponding factors responsible for the chronic ailment that has become a normal thing in our society.
Just as an individual who fails to plan, automatically plan to fail, so also is a marriage that was established without mapped out plans. It may be argued that there are enormous reasons that can be attributed to the failure of marriages today to include infidelity, lack of communication and understanding, inability to satisfy sexual desire, insecurity, lack of attention, inability to cater for family needs, childlessness, etc but all those are flimsy excuses.
There is no perfect marriage on earth. Those who enjoy their marriages are those who make the necessary sacrifices to make it work. So, to think that your marriage is the only one experiencing challenges is the apex of “non sequito”. To think that divorcing your spouse will make you look for Mr. perfect is just but another milestone of day dream backwardness. You may have ignorantly and greedily married the wrong person, you may have been deceived or coaxed to marry the wrong person, the good news is that you can still make that marriage work. Remember, there is no room for going back just as you cannot swallow an already spoken word.
In as much as people continue to build bad foundations for their marriages, there will continue to be divorce. In as much as people continue to live their lives without the fear of God, divorce will continue to be inevitable in the society. In as much as the society continue to welcome every execrable development, divorce will continue to be on the increase rate.
There are no two ways about it, no matter the conditions under which you marry your spouse, be it by lust, love, force, deceit or otherwise, if you don’t make it work, it won’t work. Divorce is not the way out of your troubled home. Divorce is not the way out of your challenges. Divorce is not the panacea to the ugly situation of your marriage. If only you can take charge, you can make your marriage great again. Say no to divorce!.