Virtually most of the men going through marriage crises whom I have counselled said to me, “Before I married my wife, she was not like that, but after few years of our marriage, she became a beast”. I have been seriously burdened about this endemic problem among Christians that I think we will begin to leverage on every available platform to teach and mentor the younger generation, in particular about how to ensure the sustainability of their spouses.
I am dealing with women today. I will be dealing with men before the end of the week. Here are some of the reasons why some good women turn to beasts inside marriages.
- The Christian man has built his marriage on deception. You lied to get the sister to marry you, and after marriage she suddenly discovered that she has fallen for a lie. Some Christian men hold PhD degrees in lying to women, and when the woman discovers that she has been fooled, emotions take over the best part of her mind, and except she is an extremely broken Christian lady, she could turn to a beast in such a marriage
- The Christian man is an unrepentant adulterer. The wife has caught him with different women, times without number. Nothing turns women into beasts like catching their husbands with other women, and particularly when they become unrepentant and begin to do it with impunity.
- The Christian man is highly irresponsible at home. He neither helps the wife not the children. The wife does all the work, while the lazy man keeps brandishing the statement, “I AM THE HEAD OF THIS HOUSE”. He is never there for them. As a pastor, he never honours or prioritizes the wife and the children. But he is the Apostle of love and support to other sisters in the church. Except the woman is totally broken, she would eventually turn to a beast.
- The Christian man has a Grammy award in abusing the wife. He abuses her verbally, physically, and emotionally. He threatens to throw her out and divorce her. At the slightest provocation, he starves her of sex, and uses foul languages on the woman. With time, the woman—except she is totally broken, would become rebellious and irritant—and may eventually turn to a beast at home.
- The Christian man is very selfish. It is always about his career, his parents, and his family members. He neither promotes nor supports the career or the vision of the wife. He never spends a dime on his in-laws. He is a textbook definition of, “Selfishness”. That kind of environment will harden the woman, and turn her to a beast, except she is totally broken and controlled by the Holy Spirit.
- The Christian man never allows the wife to air her opinion. He is the alpha and the omega in decision making. He must have his way. The wife cannot under any circumstance sway the man to change his mind. He is stubborn and overbearing. This kind of environment would build up rebellion in the wife, and with time, emotions and the flesh would take her over. Under this kind of environment, anything can happen.
- The man is not sensitive and observant of the wife’s relationships. In the name of freedom and civilization, he encourages the wife to make friends with just anybody—regardless of who they are. As the wife opens up her doors to every tom, dick and harry—as friends, she finds herself in the arms of bad friends who would most certainly corrupt her and make her rebellious against her husband. In not-too-distant future, the wife would begin to copy what she sees her friends do, and at any point in time, the bomb will explode at home. The same thing will happen to a man if the wife does not watch over the husband’s relationships.
- The woman’s financial status changes disproportionately to her level of maturity. And sadly, the man is lazy, and has never deemed it fit to develop himself and build his family’s financial status. You need to understand my point here. I am not anti-women’s progress. There is nothing wrong in a woman becoming a billionaire and owning giant corporations. It is even possible for a wife to have more money than the husband, depending on their career path, opportunities at their disposals, and level of diligence. Where there is love and mutual understanding, both of them will build a very strong and healthy marriage. But for the kind of women I am dealing with now, their sudden rise and success and wealth get into their heads, and the humble and God-fearing lady the man met 5 years ago will suddenly begin to torment the man at home.
- As a result of the man’s negligence and lackadaisical attitude at home, the woman gets close to another man, and even maybe to her pastor—who begins to give her money, attention, and better opportunities. Sometimes, it can degenerate into extra-marital relationships. In this environment, the Godly woman the man married would change, and could turn to a beast at home.
- There is actually a demonic manipulation from the family or from the society that is making the woman misbehave even when the man has been very good. This is very real, and we must not jettison it. It is actually possible for a wife to be manipulated by Satan to pull down the husband and the marriage. We have seen these cases several times. This is why every man must assume their priestly role at home. Pray for your wife and children and ensure that you are very sensitive to your environment. We have seen cases where some good women in Africa actually turned bad when they travelled abroad, even when the husband has been good to them.
The list is endless. It is not possible for a Godly woman who used to love God, to now turn into a beast in the right marriage environment. Something must have happened. If you are experiencing this in your marriage, and your previously loving and caring wife has now turned to a beast at home, don’t give up. Please check the above list and correct your ways.
If you are sure that none of the above applies to you, then the last option might be the problem. Satan might be using your wife to hunt you. This happens a lot. When the devil wants to get a man, and he cannot, he will get the person that can get the man. A lot of good pastors are experiencing this. Satan knows that by getting the wife, he will get the husband and the ministry or business will crash. Marriage is a spiritual warfare.
I do not know of any other institution on earth that attracts demonic attacks like marriage. If after you have done your best as a man, your wife is still a beast at home, then know that Satan is after your home; your vision; your career; your children and if you are a pastor, he is after your ministry. Fight on your knees for your home. Fight on your knees for your wife.
One elderly man—now in his 60s said to me, “there are things my wife said to me that I can never forget all my life”. Another man said to me, “Can I ever forget what she said to me, even if I forgive her”. A dear sister told me some things the husband said to her, and I could not believe that this man ever passed through a church—much less being born again. Some of the atomic bombs that destroy marriages are in our mouths, and many of us are too careless to notice this. We curse our spouses, curse our in-laws—right in the presence of our spouses. I am angry, I am provoked are never the justifiable reasons. One of the principal character traits of a new person in Christ is the use of cultured and loving languages for others. The bible says, “let no corrupt communication come out of your mouth, but that which edifies” (Ephesians 4:29). As a Christian, your “mouth-gate” is the first aspect of your life that your new life in Christ must address.
In the next edition, I will deal with the reasons why some men, who are good before marriage, turn to beasts inside marriage.
Ayo Akerele is a passionate and profound teacher of the word by the grace of God. His itinerant teaching ministry under different Christian organisations has lasted for many years since he met the lord in the early 1980s. He is the founder of the Voice of the Watchmen Ministries (a.k.a Rhema For Living Assembly) in Ontario, Canada, and the convener of the Believers Fire Conference–a quarterly interdenominational believers conference–hosted in major cities around the world.
He is also the host of the weekly Rhema Hour on 32fm—a radio teaching ministry reaching five million people in Southwest Nigeria, and the publisher of “The Voice Newsletter”–a monthly teaching outreach to various states across Nigeria. Ayo Akerele is a public speaker; an entrepreneur; a leadership expert; a national transformation consultant, and the author of twelve books. He holds a doctorate degree in employee turnover, human capital development and organizational tacit knowledge from the prestigious Edinburgh Business School, Heriot Watt University in Scotland, and has worked extensively for more than twenty years as a consultant for multinational corporations in Africa, Europe, and North America before answering the call to ministry. Ayo Akerele is married and blessed with children.
Dr David Ayo Akerele
Founder, Voice of the Watchmen Ministries, Ontario, Canada
Director, Flock Keepers International (a leadership & value system development organization)
Instagram handle: ayoakerele
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