536 views | Stanley Ugagbe | June 6, 2021
I have been indifferent about doctoring this piece due to the critical times we are in as a nation. But yesterday, while I was ruminating on whether to proceed or still harbor it in my head, I remembered that even while in prison, Joseph was still making use of his talents – among others, he interpreted dreams.
In the last four years, I have been journeying every now and then across the states in Nigeria in search of greener pastures and in one of the journeys, I fellowshipped with a congregation that birthed this piece. It was my second Sunday of worshipping there – after the close of service, as I was exchanging pleasantries with some fellows, I overheard one of the women telling two ladies, ‘shine your eyes, a new brother is in church’. Today, I want us to put that statement in perspective – and this is simply an ‘advisory opinion’.
It’s no longer news that our culture and tradition partitioned the female in disadvantaged positions on various grounds including the area of getting a life partner – that’s, the onus is only on the male to hunt for her and not the other way round. They are expected to bottle their feelings, bury their affection, kill every likeness for another except the male come to say, I want you. So, I kept wondering what that woman meant by ‘shine your eyes, a new brother is in church’.
I remember a scripture that says it’s not good for the man to be alone. And I want to believe that it is not good for the woman to be alone. In his iconic directive over an issue that was prevalent in the then Corinth Church, Apostle Paul said, let every man get a wife and every woman get a husband. It’s well spelt out on how the man can get a wife but how does the woman get a husband?
In view of the above, we can then come to terms with what the woman said about shine your eyes; a new brother is in church. Times have changed a lot and some of the people who are keying into the scripture of the violent taketh it by force seem to be winning.
The days of bottling feelings are fading with time and those who understand the time we are in are on the winning edge. Ma, you don’t necessarily have to throw yourself on anyone you love, but you have gat to do what you gat to do – both physically and spiritually. If love, likeness, feelings etc are not exclusive to males, you have also gat to express them while applying wisdom.
Except for those who have chosen to be eunuch as spelt out in Matt 19:12, everyone deserves a companion and as Apostle Paul counseled, to get a husband, you need to be intentional about it. You need to be intentional about your moves – green lights, yellow lights, blue lights and whatever lights you want to show. You need to be intentional about asking God for what you want. And in my strong opinion, I don’t think it’s evil to say ‘Guy, we can build a future together’.
While I am a strong believer of culture and tradition, I have always canvassed that any belief or custom that put some persons at a disadvantaged position; that is not healthy for the present-day society, should be done away with.
In strong terms, I am pitching tent with what that woman said ‘sisters, shine your eyes, a new brother is in town!’ There is no hard and fast rule on how to get a life partner but you have gat to be intentional in your quest for someone. Check your DMs, respond to your messages, be open-minded, while it is okay to ask ‘how did you get my number,’ give a listening ear to the caller, go on dates, strategically position yourself, express your feelings, communicate your ideas, forget about the past, allow somebody’s son to love you but don’t forget to TEST ALL THINGS!!!
I will leave you with this scripture, Matt 19:12 “For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and ‘there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others’–and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.” If you understand that scripture, you would know it’s a serious business. Physically and spiritually, be intentional about your moves.