478 views | Sarafina Ann Nneoha | September 27, 2019
Here is to people with a large heart than the rest of us; to people who give their all when in love; who listen to the same long song every time because the lyrics mean a lot to them; who shed tears when watching romantic movies; who have been taken advantage of; whose heart have been trampled on because they loved too much and to people who feel lonely in their heart.
First, let me make it clear to you; “You are not alone”. I know you long for love; every one of us does. We long for those perfect relationships we see in movies. You know that Romeo-Juliet kind of magical love that will make our hearts flutter. But the truth is that none of that exist in real life. Most times I see a tall, cute guy and immediately start thinking about the possible scenarios that could happen if he came up and talked to me. And every damn time, I end up very disappointed. In movies, whenever a boy mistakenly hits a girl in the hallway, her books or handbag falls to the floor, boy helps her pick them up; they lock gaze and boom, they fall in love and live happily ever after. Sadly, this never happens in real life. We tend to compare real life to the perfect scenarios that screenwriters and filmmakers have written for entertainment.
So, dear hopeless romantic, I want you to understand that those perfect romantic moments you see on screen are written, edited and even rewritten multiple times to get that final enchanting style in which you see them. Those scenes are made up of the perfect lighting, makeup, set design, and direction. All these meet in harmony to create a perfect romantic scene. So, it would be dumb of you to expect that kind of love. Searching for that kind of love is like chasing the wind – it’s fruitless.
I think the term; “Love” is often used in places where it isn’t meant. It is tainted with false image of perfection and lust. While I was reading Alex Michaelides, “The Silent Patient”, I came across a quote; it says, “Most times, we mistake love for fireworks – for drama and dysfunction. But real love is very quiet, very still. It’s boring, if seen from the perspective of high drama. Love is deep and calm – and constant”.
Reading those words, I couldn’t stop feeling guilty. There were times I mistook love for the fireworks, the sparks, the butterflies I felt in my stomach but experience has thought me otherwise. Seriously, being in a relationship takes hard work and it isn’t always going to be the fairy tale we thought it would be. Couples fight, hurt each other and eventually decide to end it. Let that sink!
Dear hopeless romantic, checking out those romantic videos or quotes online will not in any way help matters. Rather you should focus on building yourself; both mentally and emotionally. Instead of searching for love in all hook and cranny, focus on yourself, work on your toxic attitudes and learn to love yourself. Most times, the reason why we keep getting hurt in our relationships might be because of how toxic we are. So, the problem might not really be our partner but “Us”.
When love finally finds us, I hope we would be smart enough to look past those butterflies in our stomach and ask ourselves, is this someone who will be honest with me, listen to criticism, admit making mistakes, appreciate me and not promise the impossible.