We hear a great deal about ladies chasing moneybags but not enough about those that are neither interested in you nor your money. If it is a choice between men and money, there are ladies out there that would rather have dignified brokeass men in their families than arrogant rich men. They never let most of their friends know they are the major provider for their family. These ladies are willing to spend their money to bring poor men to their taste and standard.
Before you run out looking for one, there is a catch though. The day you messed up eh, they would strip you naked; exposed to the world. Even worse, some of these ladies think they are saviors and may take abuse. But not for long before friends and families set them straight. Until then, they will bear with you. Their friends and family that had suspected you have very little, think they are crazy Mother Teresa.
Above all characters in men, most ladies look for agility. A friend of ours complained bitterly that he could not get the woman he liked. What the heck, if they do not like him, they should at least, like his money. He was resigned to patronizing prostitutes until a wife was found for him from the village. A very caring and devoted man. When ladies saw how he cared for his family, they wished for his devotion after they had ignored him for years.
Another lady was introduced to a well educated wealthy man she had wished for. They finally agreed to meet and had just one dinner together. It was the end of the relationship. This is a guy you would think many ladies would like to keep, not her. Despite all pleas from friends and others, she blocked him off. He was not agile and had no swagger.
Humans can be unpredictive. It is displayed when we turn others off or they turn us off without realizing what went wrong all of a sudden. It could be something we said or did. The surprising part is trying to understand what went wrong between a smooth rapport and a sudden change. The best way to find out is to retrace our actions just before the change in mood or ask her or him politely. Some folks may just be too polite or embarrassed to say!
But seriously, why would others arrange a wife for someone they know could not score? It has to do with continuity of line, culture, inheritance “blood” or reign. Sometimes an accident or war prevents a brother from fulfilling his obligation to the extended families. In those cases. A man cannot lie that he does not want to consummate the marriage until after the wedding. The last lady you want for that role, is a self made lady comfortable in her skin.
It may lead to abrupt disappointment and embarrassment beyond the neighborhood! We have seen traditional rulers acquire new young wives. You can count these ladies out of those marriages. They are not after money or fame. There are stories floating around that the traditional rulers have helpers in the palace servicing their young wives. But some surprised us by their agility and skill of Buga dance.
It turns out some of the traditional rulers might be old but also defy the law of gravity in bed. Those thinking that it is only pertinent to some African cultures are wrong. We have to remind them of the affair of the gardener with the Madam in Lady Chatterley’s Lover, as the affair produced a child for the impotent man, proud to be a father. The one in the Holy Book is too controversial and beyond the scope of this article.
There is more to a relationship between a lady and a man than money. We have two famous old rich politicians that are well known. Many women with certain tastes would not touch either of them. Out of the ugly two, one is not even agile. The other invested in a gym in his house and is very agile with Buga dance skill. You can guess which of them has the most beautiful wife in the circle of politicians. So, we cannot condemn all ladies just as ladies cannot disparage all men.
These quiet ladies are right there hiding in plain sight but hardly draw attention to themselves. Their self confidence sometimes drives suitors away. After all they are not looking for any man to make them what they can make themselves. A good example are guys that will not date ladies taller than them. Little do they realize some ladies do not want two or three tall basketball players in the family.
So, how do you find these ladies? They also ask how to find the humble men. Despite signals from ladies to approach, some shy guys are just worried about reading that signal the wrong way. You may have to try anyway and risk misreading the signal to approach a willing partner. These signs are not written on our foreheads, so most of us miss good opportunities to proceed. We missed the ones we really wanted and settled for the second best. Those waiting for the best partners are still waiting into their old age.
It is a mistake to pay too much attention to loud mouths from both ladies and guys. It kills average men’s motivation to seek relationships, especially shy parties. Since we cannot read every mind, try and error remains the social norm. We all have our purpose for choosing a partner. One has to wonder somehow, what attracts good ladies to men that abuse them. Most want to be seen with tall, dark and handsome men (fine boys). Others like the image of rugged and tough characters. So they compete with other ladies for the same caliber of men.
The same is true of shy men trying to attract the most beautiful girl in class when he knows he does not stand a chance. There are guys that could not ask girls for a dance in those days for fear of rejecting them. It used to be polite to ask the boyfriend first if you could dance with his girlfriend. One notable girl told a guy to go and dance with her boyfriend he asked. We could not laugh but were almost rolling on the floor!
Nevertheless, we cannot rule out ambitious men and women who overreach thinking they can get any woman or men outside their “class”. We have seen the ugliest men that have been able to capture the prettiest lady around. They explain to us that they prefer integrity. Others say it is not about the big gun in your pocket but what you have in the bank. On the other hand, ladies get frustrated if you do not warm up to, or ignore their signals. They may even block you if you finally make a move towards them. It gets complicated.
Farouk Martins Aresa @oomoaresa
