Growing up as a teenager, I carried low self-esteem along as though it was my best friend. At 15, most of my mates then in school were already had male species flocking around them. Unlike me, they were beautiful, tall, and richly endowed with female assets. Most times, when I looked at them, I go green with envy. I stare at myself in the mirror and wonder why I wasn’t as beautiful as they are. I wrote myself off several times; I wasn’t good enough to be any boy’s girlfriend. I mean, what did I have to offer?
I actually remember one time a guy asked me out. It was my first time and dude was totally out of my league. Or at least, that was what I thought. He was all shades of handsome. He could pass as the CEO Sweet Boys Association with beards to die for. He was that cute and his dress sense was very dope. The first time he asked me to be his girl, the first thing that came to my mind was, “Why this boy would be asking me out. Didn’t he see other better girls? What did I have to offer?”
That was how my low self-esteem messed with me; it messed so much with my psych. It made me not to feel good about myself. That is exactly what low self-esteem does. It makes you doubt your capabilities. You don’t feel good about whom you are and your ability to achieve things you want to achieve.
But good news i, self-confidence is something anyone can work on and below are some of the tips on how to develop a self-confidence.
ACCEPT YOURSELF THE WAY YOU ARE
There is this saying that goes like, “If you don’t love yourself, who will? If you don’t accept yourself and your shortcomings, who will?” People with low self-esteem seem not to love anything about themselves; and when you don’t like anything about yourself, there is a tendency that nobody will like it. In other to build a healthy self-confidence, you need to start loving yourself; believe in yourself; belief in your abilities; believe that you are good enough; that you are incredibly and marvelously made. Always find a way to compliment and congratulate yourself for the small success you achieve.
LEARN TO CREATE BOUNDARIES
According to Harvey Fierstein, “Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define it yourself”. People with a healthy self-confidence know how to say “No”. To them, their personal need comes first. They understand that they can’t please everyone. So, learn how to say “No” to people without feeling bad about it; learn how to be more assertive; learn how to ask for what you want. It helps you take charge of your life and increases your self-esteem.
DITCH YOUR COMFOR ZONE AND FACE YOUR FEARS
When you are insecure, when you underestimate your abilities because you think everyone else is better than you, you will definitely achieve nothing. The best way to overcome low self-confidence is to face your insecurities head on; do one thing that scares you every day; take the risk and learn from the experience, it helps build your self-confidence.
TAKE NOTICE OF WHAT YOU HAVE ACHIEVED ALREADY
It is really easy to fall into the hands of low self-confidence when we fail to recognize and celebrate our achievements. To build a healthy self-esteem, it is important that from time to time, you make a list of all the things you have achieved no matter how little you think they are. Celebrate your little achievements, it will stir up your self-confidence and you will achieve more.
PUT AWAY ALL NEGATIVITY
The best way to build a healthy self-confidence is putting away all sorts of negativity in your life and focus on the positive. Instead of focusing on all the problems you think you have in life, focus on the solutions instead. Surround yourself with people that are filled with positive vibes.
QUIT COMPARING YOURSELF
When you constantly compare yourself with someone else; when you measure your achievements with what someone else has achieved, you will constantly be down with low self-confidence. Learn to stop comparing yourself and your success with someone else because the truth is that, no matter how much we try to downplay it, there is always someone better than you. So instead of comparing yourself with someone else, replace it with a better habit; compare yourself to your former self. You should strive to be better than you were yesterday, that should be your constant goal.
The truth is that self-confidence is not rocket science; it is something that we can all learn, practice and master. Nothing is as important as how you feel and think about yourself.