It was served as a breakfast, too hot, only by the grace of God I was able to pull through. I met her in her tender and impressionable age. Very innocent, angelic and adorable.
Physically she was infectious, making any heart however strong , stale and steel fall to the very aura that hovered around her at a time.
For days I couldn’t pull myself together to say hello to her. Many things ran through my mind, from her perceived beauty to the possibility of her being uncouth and unfriendly to me. Being a shy person who wouldn’t stand any unfriendly remarks from an opposite sex, more still when such person was like a goddess to me, I recoiled to myself each time I had the opportunity for a closer contact.
This happened for days, she would pass, looking great and gorgeous, as much as I tried to engage her in a conversation, my confidence would fail me.
At a time the whole thing became a nightmare, I couldn’t sleep, nothing else mattered, all my dreams all my thoughts wrapped around her.
My prayer life suddenly relapsed, sliding down to the very base of lukewarmness. I was caged, wrapped around with the thread of obsession and my mind invaded with thoughts and images that pushed and dragged me nowhere except at the brink of disillusionment.
As I died daily emotionally, dreaming about who obviously was unbeknown of my feelings for her, she moves around happily flouncing the very things that unsettled me emotionally.
Days gone, weeks gone and months passed, the thoughts and feelings still unwaned. One day by some stroke of chance, I sat near her, it was one moment in my life that sparked some light, igniting the feeling of self fulfillment. I stared into her eyes, I watched her closely and listened to her talk , suddenly I realised it wasn’t as I thought. Her eyes weren’t as sparky as I imagined from a distance, her face not as smooth as I thought. Her teeth not decently arranged, the stroke breaking the camel’ back was her eloquence and flow, a contrast from what I thought it would be from a distance, considering the beauty perceived, the elegance imagined and the posh I thought could naturally be her trademark.
In what could be described as dramatic I lost interest, the beauty I saw, was no more, the elegance that set me on fire for days, diminished and the desire and crave to speak to her which tormented me for weeks gone. Face to face with my love interest, the feeling became like sour taste to a mouth yearning for honey. Not all that glitters are gold. I learnt this though the hard way.
Aversion replaced my love, hatred and derision the only emotion that overwhelmed me. What happened? I was infatuated, selfish, possessed and disillusioned by the very things that mattered less.
My heart was broken! For days I was in very terrible mood. From a distance I thought I saw an angel in a human form, I felt she was spotless, a delight to be with. I was carried away by externals, unbeknown of the very thing that makes one — character. Blinded by the external beauty, having built my emotions and affection around it, though perceived, I fell from a height, like packs of cards when distance was closed up, and closeness revealed the very true nature of things which distance lent enchantment to.
In anger and disappointment, I walked away, beating and cursing myself for those moments my breath and emotions were tasked and set on a brink because of her.
Aren’t you a fool? Senseless and impatience with things? Aren’t you too quick to judge a book by its cover? Perception isn’t reality. As I walked away, these thoughts kept coming to my mind, hitting my spirit with a hammer that chiseled away the instinct of infatuation, making me see life from the angle of the essence, things that matter and endure than from the frivolous.
She could be a gold in her rawness. A pound sterling and dollar bill in a soiled and mangled form.
The external may be in bad shape but the essence still remains.
The external can be changed and corrected but the essence is fixed, very hard to change.
Her beauty may either fade or be improved upon, her teeth arrangement may be corrected, her manner of speaking may be refined to an appealing point, but her character remains.
The smartest thing to do is to go for that very thing that endures, try to fall in love with it, get comfortable around it, make it a point of attraction, get obsessed about it, at best dot on it, in it lies either the fall or the rise of anything in life.
Many marriages today fall by the way side because of too much attention to the externals. Our relationship with God, gets hot today, cold tomorrow and lukewarm the next day because of too much attention on the externals. Get deeper! Deeper! And Deeper, in the things of God. The real joy in God’s presence is not in the external ( material things) but in the discovery of the heart of God and crave for it.
The beauty of any marriage isn’t in the external beauty and material things around, but in the discovery of the heart of your partner, how it beats and try to optimize its beat daily.
Beauty is skin deep, gold is seen not on the surface, clean water isn’t seen on the surface, deep and deeper the driler drilled before the water sparkles.
If what attracts you to something or someone is superficial, the journey to its dislike, detest and aversion has just begun. Just a matter of time, the skyscraper would crumble.
Character is key, relationship is important. Find them in an optimized form, strive maintaining the form daily, home and dry become a gift on a platter.
Beauty, money etc are good also but cannot be trusted.
If all that attracts you to someone is beauty, money, fame, class, status etc you are skiting on a slippery tin ice, soon you would be served with a hot breakfast of heartbreak.
Life is deeper than what eyes see and nothing good is seen on the surface. They may appear good and enticing for a while, their withering moments are close by.
Don’t look at my eyes, don’t focus on my face, my teeth and body frame may be a distraction, rather look beyond them, and see the very “me” in myself. That is “me” that endures. Fall in love with that “me” you got me for life.
Jarlath Opara
