When Awolowo’s daughter was punished by her senior prefect, she left Ekiti state for the state house at Ibadan since she was the daughter of the Premier. The next day, the Premier was at the school assembly in the morning. The Principal and the teachers were apprehensive. Then, the Premier asked who it was who punished the daughter. The senior prefect moved to the front after signifying with a raised hand. Awolowo approached her, shook her hand and gave her £2 after thanking her for the punishment. He was thereafter, escorted to his car and off he went to his office at Ibadan.
These were days when parents were parents. A modern-day parent would have gone to the school to deal with whoever punished his/her child. Times have changed and that means parenting has changed too. The death of Sylvester Oromoni is no longer news in Nigeria. Sylvester, 12, died on November 30 after he was allegedly bullied by his seniors in the school dormitory for his persistent refusal to join a cult group. Sylvester’s painful death shows that today’s parents are dealing with an entirely new playing field when it comes to their children.
Undoubtedly, there must have been warning signs; red flags ignored by the parents of Sylvester and the parents of the bullies; as well as on the part of the school authorities. From the foregoing, I can say, without mincing words, that the parents of these delinquent children (the bullies and cultists) failed them. They raised monsters who seek opportunity to unleash terror on the weak and unsuspecting. Nowadays, parenting is seen merely as a biological relationship between a parent and a child. Given this nuanced view, little wonder what children are growing up to be what we are all witnessing today.
Parenting is the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood. Parenting refers to the intricacies of raising a child and not exclusively for a biological relationship. The word PARENTING is either a noun or a verb. As a noun, a parent is a mature male or female or both having child(ren). Such parents don’t bother much about the child(ren)’s welfare, care less about their health, education and wellbeing.
Sometimes, the children are made scape goats when marital issues rear their ugly heads and either one or both parents decide to vent their spleen on the innocent children. As a verb, parenting connotes love, care and responsibilities. Such parents liven their homes, ensure the children’s needs are taken care of and radiate love at all times. They can sacrifice anything for the children’s welfare and make sure that the children are not denied of medical care, love and education. They are also interested in the children’s academics and try not to involve the children in their squabbles.
Parents comes in different dimensions such as; adopted parents, surrogate parents, God parents, biological parents and foster parents. The key element in all of this is the word PARENT. As a parent, you are the first line of defence: you must imbue your children with the right values. While under your roof, you are grooming them for the real world.
The psycho-emotional atmosphere in which a child is raised has significant consequences on personality, character and life choices. For instance, a child that grows up in an aggressive environment will manifest the same trait towards peers and weaker children. Same goes in a family where parents show aggression towards each other, towards the children, domestic staff, and children towards children. The children replicate what they see rather than do what they are told. Parents therefore must be good role models not just instructors.
Walk the walk. Don’t just tell your child what you want them to do. Children watch everything their parents do very carefully and tend to incorporate them. So, be the person you want your child to be — respect your child, show them positive behavior and attitude, have empathy towards your child’s emotion — and your child will follow suit. Modeling appropriate, respectful, good behavior works much better than telling them what to do.
With the recent tragedy, all of us have specific roles to play which will yield collective result. For the majority of children, the most significant people in their lives are their parents and teachers. These are the people they spend most of their time with, who influence their day-to-day activities and guide them through their schooling. Teachers or parents cannot educate children in the best way by working alone – there is every need for them to collaborate and work hand-in-hand for the best learning experience.
As we mourn for Sylvester and wait for justice to prevail, this tragedy, I hope, will wake slacking parents from their slumber to pay attention to their children’s unruly behaviour.
I hope it will cause us (parents) to invest more time and resources in training our children. I hope it will make us see the need to work with teachers in the process of child training, instead of pushing the responsibility solely to the teachers. Let me conclude by saying that bad parenting is a societal problem which if pretentiously overlooked will one day explode like a hydrogen bomb with cataclysmic consequences.
THIS IS A TIME FOR SOBER REFLECTION.
Richard Odusanya is a Social Reform Crusader and the convener of AFRICA COVENANT RESCUE INITIATIVE ACRI
