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Defining Your Relationship

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Mere looking at the title, you may be tempted to ignorantly conclude that this is an over-flogged issue that needs not to be visited. But, you will agree that time is evolving and one sphere of life that is metamorphosing with time is Relationship. Paying adequate attention to what is embedded in this piece will not only expose you to the dangers of not defining your relationships but also help you to make deliberate effort to define your relationship with people. It’s germane to note at this juncture that this piece aims to look at the ‘loving relationship between a male and a female youth’. However, other relationships will not be left out of this discourse.

In recent times, some guys {including some who claim to have been born of God} have become so SMART that they will start dating a lady even without the lady knowing it. On the other hand, some ladies have become so UNWISE that they assume they are in a relationship with a guy {who never asked them out} just because such guys are close to them and probably acting like love birds. Interestingly, there is another group of some guys who childishly believe they are already in a relationship with a lady just because such lady is being nice to them and always around them. Even in our casual relationship with people as friends, co-workers, neighbors, church members, business partners, etc, people carry wrong perception of their relationship with people just because such relationships are not defined.

The dangers of not defining your relationship with people are enormous. “Unnecessary” envy, jealousy, anger, backbiting, gossiping, and most importantly, abuse etc are some of the negative effects of undefined relationships.

Young lady, when you assume he is your man and later finds out he is with someone, you become traumatized because you failed to define your relationship with him. Young man, when you assume she is your woman and later finds out she is with another fellow, you become traumatized because you failed to define your relationship with her.

Never assume he is your man.  Never assume she is your woman. Define your relationship with him or her. Never give him the impression that you’re already his. Never give her the impression that you’re already hers.

And to those who are into genuine relationships, is your relationship defined? What is the intention/purpose of your relationship? This question is pertinent at this point because in recent times, there are so many playboys and girls around. People, who just want to date for the moment, people who want to enjoy the sexuality of youthfulness.

Where is your relationship headed? A preacher once said, “if you date with no intention of marriage, you’re acting like a child who plays with a new toy and then discard it”. Ask him, where is this relationship headed? If it’s not heading towards marriage, then you’re definitely with the wrong person! Why go into a relationship with someone you don’t want to marry? Are you even ready to marry? There are reasons why waiting is wise. The Bible uses the phrase “the bloom of youth” to describe the period of life when sexual feelings and romantic emotions first become strong {1Cor 7:36}. To maintain close association with one particular member of the opposite sex while you’re still in this phase of life can lead to wrong conduct. Waiting to date won’t stifle your freedom. On the contrary, it will give you more freedom to “rejoice in your youth” {Ecclesiastic 11:9}. And you will have time to prepare yourself by developing your personality and most importantly, your spirituality-Lamentations 3:27.

In a nutshell, it is a common saying that when the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable. Save yourself the unnecessary trauma that emanates from undefined relationships. Whatever relationship you have with people, let it be defined. Let the terms and conditions be plain to both parties. Know your limits. Never assume he is your man when he has never asked you out. Never assume she is your lady just because she is always around you. Ask him today, who am I to you? What do you want from me? Why are you always around me? Where is this relationship headed? Let it be defined so he/she won’t tell you “I thought we are dating”. May we receive the grace to define our relationships with people in Jesus’ name. Amen.

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